…on the people who remind it.

I decided to go for a walk this morning, since there was a brief window where the grey skies opened up to let some light in, so I thought it was important to go soak some of that up.

I definitely start to notice the affect of grey, winter-y days, feeling more apathetic, and just overall ‘blah’, where my ability to maintain the ‘lightness’ in myself, gets more difficult. My reserves tend to dwindle by the end of December.

It made me think about how there would’ve been much more reverence for the sun before the invention of electric lighting and heating. Now we can just flip a switch to turn on lights and go to the grocery store to buy whatever we want, so it makes sense that we might not notice the affect as much. But for those living through an even darker winter, with food / wood piles lessening and the cold starting to sink deeper, the return of the sun would be much more apparent. We’ve become less ‘dependent’ on sunlight, or at least less aware of its importance by making its absence less detrimental (on the surface, at least). But could you imagine the euphoria felt on those first warm and sunny Spring days after being in such darkness? What a blessing that would be!

In the same light, what a gift it is to have a smile directed towards you when you’re feeling down, or the hear the sound of music, or see the beauty of a flower. Some people / things just hold a certain quality of light, joy and beauty that help to make life worth living. A warmth. But I think in our modern, artificially-created world, it seems that we’re losing a significant connection to actual Creation, the light that which makes life possible at all. It’s interesting to think that without this light, none of what we know could exist. It’s a sobering thought. I know I’m guilty of this, as it can be easy to forget to slow down and enjoy what’s already been created, to marvel at just how incredible it is that we even exist at all.

For me, getting sunlight in my eyes and feeling its warmth on my skin is such a simple reminder that life can be Good, and subsequently, so can I. Having lived with a lot of ‘inner darkness’, succumbing to negative thoughts and perspectives, it can be difficult to acclimate to this view; our eyes grown calloused or too sensitive to take it in, our perspective skewed. Of course the world is still full of terrible things, yet there is also much beauty, depending on what we focus on.

I’m starting to open up more to the belief that the more I’m able to ‘let the light in’, especially into my heart, the more hope, love, compassion, joy and forgiveness will make its way in. Whether it’s true or not, I’m also opening to the belief that this is what is symbolized in the story of Jesus, and the essence of Christ. I know there is a lot loaded into this, emotions and dogma, but I think even if you don’t believe, the essence of what it represents is universal and still shines through, which is: a return to love. To find a way to heal our hearts that may be holding hate, anger, resentment, fear, grief or hurt, allowing them to dissolve through compassion, especially for ourselves. Easier said than done, of course.

What I was thinking about today when considering the sun (son), is that it doesn’t matter who we are or what we’ve done, it shines on us just the same. We can turn away and hide in the shadows (which I’ve certainly done), and yet when we’re ready to come out again, it will always be there. Even if we think we aren’t deserving of that love or attention, it’s there if we can just find a way to let it in. Unconditional Love. I’ve found this to be an incredibly difficult thing to not just understand, but to belief actually exists. And I guess the work lies in discovering the ways that I don’t allow it in, that I don’t trust it, or that I reject feeling worthy of this quality of love. That I am Enough. I guess that’s part of having Faith: believing that something exists, even if we can’t currently see or feel it. But without having that, how is anything possible at all?

At least for me, being out in the sun while thinking all of these thoughts allows me to get a direct feeling of warmth in my heart and to help me open up my mind to a purer expression of light, that is difficult to find in our modern society. With so much artificial light everywhere, I’m starting to recognize and focus more on ‘quality’ of light, which I’m sure I’ll get into during another post. But as far as I’m concerned, the sun is a pretty good access point to explore some of these ideas of mine, so that’s what my curiosity will continue to follow to see where it leads ☀️

Thanks for reading,
Gordon