I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately, for maybe the past year (maybe two) but especially the last few months and I’m slowly beginning to figure out why. Recently, I’ve been isolating and disconnecting myself (physically & energetically) from most people (and social media) in order to be able to process things without distraction. Re-calibrating my beliefs, getting out of my mind and tapping more into my body, releasing stored emotions, shifting how I view society and my place in it, etc. And through this process, I’ve realized that my internal world and my external world are now beginning to clash. It’s like how I’m living, and who I’m choosing to show up as, doesn’t quite fit with who I see myself becoming.
And that’s okay.
Because I think it’s natural that we go through these transitional phases in our lives where we do have to slow down, isolate, and take stock of ourselves to ensure that the way we’re choosing to live actually feels right for us. As we internally grow and develop as human beings, becoming more conscious of our thoughts, needs and belief patterns, it only makes sense that we will also have to make shifts in our external world to reflect these newfound changes. Which can be incredibly confusing and scary.
And that’s okay, too.
We don’t have to figure everything out right away. We simply just have to recognize that something needs to change and then start making steps in another direction. Even small steps will eventually get us where we need to go. Like a snake that sheds its skin, we must also sometimes be brave enough to shed our old selves in order to grow into the person we’re meant to become. If we don’t, we risk feeling suffocated and unhappy, trying to fit in somewhere we aren’t meant to be.
I believe that it’s in these quiet periods of self-reflection where you can really, truly hear yourself, your authentic self, without the background noise of what other people or society expects from you. In this fast-paced world, I don’t think we slow down enough to listen to ourselves, without distraction. Try sitting in complete silence and see what happens. Maybe ask yourself: Am I happy? What needs to change? What am I resisting? Why? Who do I see myself becoming? And be honest with yourself. There are so many ways to live a life and (despite what we’re told) we don’t have to adhere to what everyone else is doing or be who they think we should be. It’s our responsibility to figure out how to live a life for OURSELVES, discovering who we really are and what we personally need in order to be happy, which can (and should) be different than someone else’s needs.
And this is what I’m trying to figure out for myself. I’m sure some of you are also in the same boat, and if you are, feel free to reach out. I know it definitely isn’t an easy process… It’s actually pretty uncomfortable, confusing, lonely and a lot of work, but I really don’t think there’s anything more valuable to invest your time and energy into. I believe when you do the work on yourself to become more conscious as an individual, growing into your potential by shining a light on all of your dark places you don’t want anyone to see, the more that light will then radiate outwards into the world. The external world is mostly just a mirror of what’s going on internally, so in order to heal society as a whole, we first need to heal ourselves.
Personally, I think I’ve seen the most growth within myself in the last 2 years than any other period… My physical / external situation may look the same, but my internal world has shifted dramatically. I’ve been reading & learning lots, filling my social media feed with more positivity and inspiration, talking to a counselor, opening up to friends and family, meditating and writing, getting out into nature, connecting more to my body, and just becoming more curious about myself, without judgment or criticism… I’m still not sure what changes I have to make exactly, but I trust that I’ll get there if I keep doing what I’ve been doing. There really is something powerful about taking more responsibility for your own well-being and not relying on others to do it for you, because in the end, they actually can’t. Sustainable happiness, the kind independent of outside sources, has to be created by you. And it can only be started from within, so if I’ve seemed a little detached lately, that’s exactly where I’ve been.
And that’s okay.